Missional 2

OUR RESPONSE TO GOD’S MISSION

What is the purpose of the church? Why did God call out a people who believe in His Son, Jesus Christ, to be a cohesive group?

            It is far too easy to get lost in traditions and habits, programs and policies, services and functions, to answer this question. Why do we come to church? To worship God. To hear some teaching. To meet with friends who share common values. To take advantage of the children’s programs. To be encouraged. These are good things. But is there more?

            We naturally turn to the NT church, to Acts and to Paul’s letters to further answer this question. You might be intrigued by those who express a desire to be more like the NT church. Wow, wouldn’t it be great to be part of the church right after Pentecost when the church was on fire? If only we could be like the NT church again.

            Which part? Only a short while after Pentecost the church was in conflict over the unfair distribution of food (Acts 6). Which church in the NT do we want to emulate? The immoral Corinthians, the loveless Ephesians, or the angel-worshiping Colossians? Even the Early Church was made up of flawed people and values.

            Yet, despite these flaws God chooses to work in this community of people with a common faith. The greatest secret of the Christian faith is the community of the local church. There is nothing like it on the earth. But to be the church, the Lord’s “called out” people, will mean a fundamental rediscovery of what it means to be the church of Jesus Christ. For it is in the church, in the midst of a community of frail and fickle people that God has placed His mission. God calls out a people, the church, to be a peculiar people set apart for the mission of fleshing out the grace and truth of Jesus Christ. In us, the world sees Jesus.

            To begin this rediscovery of purpose, we turn not to the NT, but to Deuteronomy.

1. Standing on the cusp

Forty years have passed. When the children of Israel left Egypt, crossed the Red Sea, and were on the brink of entering the Promised Land, they disobeyed God. So God had them wander in the wilderness until all those who doubted His gift had died. Now a new generation stood at the cusp of the Promised Land. They are about to leave the wilderness.

            Deuteronomy comprises Moses’ last words, his final package of sermons, for Israel before they enter the land. Deuteronomy has been wrongly called “Second Law” (Deutero = two; nomos = law). It is in fact entitled “These are the words” in the Hebrew Bible. What scholars call Deuteronomy today is the Gospel of Moses.

            Deuteronomy is the gospel because Moses doesn’t just remind the people of a set of laws; he preaches to them. This is emphasized in the first five verses: “These are the words Moses spoke to all Israel…” (1) and “Moses proclaimed to the Israelites all that the LORD had commanded him concerning them” (3) and “Moses began to expound this law” (5).

            But how could “law” be called gospel? Isn’t the gospel about grace? Yes it is. And look, v. 2 says it takes 11 days to go from Horeb (Mt. Sinai) to Kadesh Barnea; then in v. 3 it says “In the fortieth year…” That’s grace. Wait, what? Consider that when Israel left Egypt they came to Mt. Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments and the covenant to be God’s people. At that moment they were eleven days from the PL, but they sinned – worse, they rebelled. God could have said “Forget it. These people are sick and demented. I will start over,” but He didn’t. Forty years later, God is ready to begin again with this same ethnic people. That’s grace.

            Now Moses is preaching to them that this same gracious God who called them still wants to use them, flaws and all, to accomplish His purposes. Moses preaches the Word of God to them to prepare them to enter into a foreign land, a foreign culture, and face an idolatrous people. On the cusp of the PL they are a people being shaped by the Gospel of Moses.

            To be a missional church, we must be shaped by the gospel of Christ. It was not enough for Israel to enter a culture and make it their own; it is not enough for us to understand our culture. We must be shaped by the gospel so that we can stand in the midst of our community and say, “We are for you but you need to know that our values are shaped by the Gospel.”

2. It’s time to move

People generally like routine. We get comfortable in our ruts and rituals. We don’t want to change or move. Things might not be perfect but changing things sounds like effort.

            The LORD says to the people, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain” (6). It’s time to move. The people camped at the mountain needed to move out of the comfort zone and cross the boundary, enter into God’s mission.

            The thing about Mt. Sinai is that God was known to be there. It feels safe to be where God is. But to move into strange territory is not safe. Staying in church settings and huddling with Christians feels safe. We know though, that God does not want us to dwell on our mountain-top experiences; He wants us to venture out into the world to find Him there. We find more of God when we cross the boundary.

            The LORD’s speech in vv. 6-8 describes His purpose for this people, His mission (read v. 8). When God rescued His people from slavery in Egypt, He had promised them the land of Canaan, which would provide them the context from which they would fulfill their mission. What mission? To be a light to the nations. As they were shaped by the Word of God they would influence the world (see 4:5-6; 26:19).

            In the ultimate purpose of the LORD there was a lot more at stake than Israel crossing the Jordan to take the land. It was not merely getting out of the wilderness. This was a step of obedience; that step would lead to the redemption of the whole world. One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind. They needed to be motivated to take that step to move forward in God’s strategy to be a blessing to the nations. There was a missionary dimension to Deuteronomy’s call to obedience.

            Connect the dots. God’s plan was to call a people – Israel - to take the Land and live in a way that was unique, to be shaped by the truth of God, and to display that life as God intended originally in Eden. Without Canaan, there are no people of the promise; without the people, there is no message of redemption, no prophecy, no law; without those truths, there is no vehicle for the Son of God to enter into our world. One small step into Canaan unfolded the plan of redemption.       Coming to Mount Sinai was not an end it itself. It was the beginning. The church is not an end in itself either. God does not call us out of the world to be a cozy little clique or a “holy huddle.” The church exists to carry on the work begun by Israel when they stepped into the Jordan River – to be a light to the nations, to influence our world.

3. Hesitation may cost us

Moses takes care to remind the people that 40 years ago they hesitated. They can’t make that mistake again.

            Forty years ago, they were in this exact spot. In v. 8 and again in v. 21 they are given marching orders: God has given you this land – go and take it.

            Instead, they hatch a plan. Let’s send spies into the land and check it out. Oddly enough, when Moses first recorded this event in Num. 13 he said that God commanded him to send spies. Here in Deut. Moses says that the people came to him and suggested the scheme. Forty years of hindsight reveals that sometimes what seems to be of the Lord may be our own imagination (?). Using the language “the Lord told me” can get you into a sticky situation.

            There are three ironic outcomes from sending the spies: 1) They went out to gain intel to be used in military strategy but their report focused on fruit and fertility; 2) They reported that the land was really good, but promptly demonstrated that it wasn’t worth the risk; 3) They referred to the land as “the land that the Lord our God is giving us” but refused to accept it from His hand. As a result they grumbled that God’s plan would get them all killed so they sat in their tents and pouted. Forty years later…

            Hesitation will cost us. Moses was guilty of caving to the people too. God said “Take the land – I’m giving it to you” so that spies were unnecessary. Just go! Just do it! Don’t think about it too long. You know what you have to do.

            South of the border lives a people who are very quick in their movements and decisions. It is an admirable quality and one that drives their entrepreneurial spirit. To them, every problem has a solution. This may lead to quick fixes and easy solutions and less of a thought process, but still admirable.

            Here in Canada, we are frozen in analysis. We can see the problems clearly, but we have to examine the problem from all sides while unconsciously attempting not to act at all. We think we’re so smart for not running at the first solution; we’re great thinkers. But the person who doggedly examines and analyzes is a lot like the hurried problem solver. They both find comfort in the fact that at least we’re doing something. Canadians just do it in their heads. Americans act; we think.[i]

            What is God telling us to do as a church? And why aren’t we doing it? Are we hesitating?

4. Go, the LORD goes before us

If the Lord says “go” we must know that where He tells us to go, He has already been. This is the most excellent quality of Jesus Himself; He does not call us to anything except that which He has actually already done (1 Pet. 2:21).

            Moses challenged Israel with this encouragement: “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness” (29-31a).

            In spite of the evidence, that God had rescued them from slavery in a most miraculous manner, that a pillar of fire led them at night and a cloud by day, and that God had proven His faithfulness over and over, they could not move forward in faith. But faith was not leap in the dark, but a perfectly reasonable step forward with eyes opened wide to what God had already done in the past and promised to do in the future. God went ahead of them even as He had been behind them.

            We will never know what God has in store for us if we do not step out in faith. To be content with what we have done in the walls of this church, with the status quo, means missing out on the great adventure God has in store for us.

            Mission means “sending” and it is the central theme of the story of Israel, and by extension through Christ, the Church. The question that Deuteronomy 1 asks us today is will we be faithful to the Lord and His love and His promise?

As we study Deuteronomy I cannot help but think of the Gospel of John. First of all, John writes, “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (Jn 1:17). Those two aspects are not in competition: law vs. grace & truth. They are together the gospel. The Law that Moses preached was the gospel for the people of that day and speaks to us even now.

            One of John’s favorite metaphors for Jesus is light. What Israel as a people failed to do, Jesus did – He fulfilled all that God had intended for Israel to do. Therefore, Jesus is the light of the world (Jn 8:12). He is a light to the nations, and whoever follows Him will not walk in darkness anymore. We are not the light but we witnesses to the light; we are not the light but we can point people to the light. We are not saviors but we know the Lord Jesus who is the Savior of the whole world.

            People that we know need to see the light. Earlier I said, “God’s plan was to call a people – Israel - to take the Land and live in a way that was unique, to be shaped by the truth of God, and to display that life as God intended originally in Eden.” That is the beginning of a people shaped by the gospel for God’s mission.

            Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (Jn 14:6). That’s something that shocks people, changes us, and creates urgency in us to share this Jesus.

            To be missional means to adopt the posture, thinking, behaviors, and practices of a missionary in order to engage others with the gospel message.

                                                                        AMEN

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[i] Gary V. Nelson, Borderland Churches, 33.

Missional 1

LEARNING TO SING A NEW SONG

I have a reputation as someone who should not sing. Despite my baritone voice, which I think is quite mellifluous, I have never been invited to sing in a quartet. Don’t sing, I’ve been told.

            This goes against the early childhood training I received from Sesame Street. Joe Raposo wrote a song for the Street in 1971 called Sing. You know this song (show words: 

Sing, sing a song

Sing out loud

Sing out strong

Sing of good things not bad

Sing of happy not sad.

Sing, sing a song

Make it simple to last

Your whole life long

Don't worry that it's not

Good enough for anyone

Else to hear

Just sing, sing a song.

Sing, sing a song

Let the world sing along

Sing of love there could be

Sing for you and for me.

Sing, sing a song

Make it simple to last

Your whole life long

Don't worry that it's not

Good enough for anyone

Else to hear

Just sing, sing a song.

.). I was encouraged by the chorus, “Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song.” Was Sesame Street wrong? Should some songs not be heard?

            What makes a song good?

            I researched this question (Googled it) and discovered one source that said that there are three things that make a song good. For a song to be considered good…

            It has to have soul – the song has to speak to the listener. Thus Justin Bieber’s Baby, baby, baby does not rate as a timeless classic. No, there must be a relevant message.

            It catches the ear – the song gets our attention. This refers to the rhythms and melody. This kind of song sticks in your mind so that you find yourself singing the words in your head uncontrollably and at times you least expect.

            Its message is bigger than its sound – that means that if you favor country music, the message will get you even if it is from another genre like (gag) rap.

            As Christians, we are singing a song for the world to hear. As a church we sing the song of Christ, but is anybody listening? Are they saying “don’t sing”? Does our song not catch their ears?

            Drastic changes have taken place in the last few decades and today we live in a secular environment that demands that the church rediscover its ministry and mission. It demands that we reconsider the song we sing.

            Psalm 137 offers insight into the challenge of singing a new song in the world to which God has called His people.

1. Can we sing the old song?

The Psalmist is a Jewish exile. He was ripped from the familiar world of Jerusalem and dragged to Babylon in chains. Babylon was a vastly different world; an idolatrous world. There, the Psalmist found new rhythms of life, new and foreign core values, and new ways of looking at relationships.

            For Jews, the land of Israel held out so much hope and promise. The land was a symbol of God’s blessing and favor. Taken out of their homeland they must have felt like God had abandoned them. How do you sing your songs of hope in the land of your captivity? “By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion” (1).

            This is the common experience of faithful people and churches today who want to follow Jesus. Considering how profoundly our culture and its values have changed, they cry out, “How do we do church in these strange times?”

            Like the Psalmist, our elders remember the “good old days.” You remember the revivals and the crusades? How people went forward to receive Jesus? How the churches were filled in those days? Remember when we had Sunday evening services and almost everyone came? Remember when church events were the social highlight of the week?

            Those are good memories. It is good to remember. We need to be mindful that the past always seems better than it really was. There were good things but we forget why they were good, what made them good. It is good to remember but when we romanticize the past we end up using that rod to try and measure the present. Times have changed. If we deny the reality of this change we deny the need to change.

            Can we sing the old song? Yes, but we need to know that not everyone knows the tune or the words. Some songs are best appreciated in context, like the old revival songs that accompanied a great experience in the tent meeting, or the protest songs of 70s, or Twisted Sister in the 80s. Context is best appreciated by those who were there.

2. Is our song relevant?

The Psalmist was discouraged with the strangeness of Babylon. Too much change, too quick. They were so discouraged they hung up their instruments and said, “we will not sing.” But their captors mocked them and said “Sing. Entertain us. Give us something to laugh at.” As the Psalmist wrote, “…our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, ‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” (3).

            The sacred song about the temple in Jerusalem had no meaning for the pagan Babylonian a thousand miles away. It was not relevant. It did not speak to the captor’s heart.

            As I said, our context has changed. In 1955, 68% of Canadians attended a place of worship on a weekly basis. More Canadians attended church per capita than in the U.S. In 2008, 13% of Canadians attended church on a given Sunday. In some cities it is lower than that. Pastors compete with brunch as the activity of choice on Sunday morning.

            The song sung in the 50s was effective in its day. We can call it the Attractional model. I like to equate this model with the movie Field of Dreams. The main character, a corn farmer named Ray, hears a whisper telling him, “If you build it, he will come.” Ray cuts down a huge section of corn and builds a baseball diamond in hopes that his long-dead father will visit.

            The church has long operated on this model. If you build it, they will come. Just build a thousand-seat church and the people will come. In this old paradigm, a preacher could stand in the pulpit and wait for people to come. Back then, assumptions and authority were rarely challenged.

            Attractional churches are seen by the unchurched as existing for the members, maintaining what we have. Stepping into one of those churches is like walking into a tiny café in a small western Manitoba town. Everyone looks at you and you feel like the stranger that you are. You know you don’t belong.

            Is our song relevant for our times?

Just so you know, I’m not talking about hymns vs. choruses. We would be naïve if we thought that people were sitting at home waiting for us to change our worship style. People who are searching for meaning in life are not overly concerned about song styles.

3. Do we sing a song of frustration?

Psalm 137 ends harshly. Frustrated with the strangeness of this new reality, this foreign land, the Psalmist gets angry. He remembers what the Edomites did in v. 7 and curses them. Edom was allied to Judah until they saw that Judah was going to lose the war to Babylon, so they switched sides (Obad. 11). Edomites were the children of Esau, so the betrayal was great. The Psalmist was also angry at the invaders, the Babylonians, for turning their world upside down. This is why he writes, “Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks” (9). How do you like that song?

            Anger can get destructive as these last verses show. Raw emotions overwhelm restraint and we lash out.

            We can feel like this, we – the church. We feel trapped in a foreign world – powerless – afraid. Traditional marriage is being broken down. Sexual immorality rules our culture. We long for the days of modesty and self-control. We get angry.

            The temptation for the Evangelical church today is to stand on a soapbox and speak out in anger against the ills of society. We sound angry. We are angry. Our righteous God is offended!

            As we speak in anger though, we are not speaking in the words of Jesus and in the love of Jesus, who said, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost” (Lk 19:10) and “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him” (Jn 3:17).

            Do we sing a song of anger? Do we speak against ____ instead of for Christ?

4. How do we sing the new song?

The Psalmist asks a question in v. 4 that we now return to, because it is the most important question in the psalm, “How can we sing the songs of the LORD while in a foreign land?”

            Psalm 137 captures the real truth, the humanness of the church’s journey into the 21^st century. We know that times have changed, but we think that the church doesn’t have to. Technology changes faster than we can upgrade our iPhones; we wish we could slow it down. The church must adapt to our changing times. To think that the church experience can stay the same is illogical. Changing our worship style is only cosmetic. The heart of the church needs to change.

            The Attractional mentality of the church must make way for a new attitude and new presuppositions. We can call this Discovering what it means to be Missional.

            What does it mean to be missional?

            To be missional means to adopt the posture, thinking, behaviors, and practices of a missionary in order to engage others with the gospel message. No one can say: “I am not called to be a missionary” and thus do not have to evangelize friends and neighbors. Missional living is the embodiment of the mission of Jesus in us. If we call ourselves Christians, we are to be like Jesus. As the Father sent Jesus into the world, Jesus sends us into the world with His message. This is why the church exists – to fulfill the mission of telling the world that Jesus is Lord.

            Mission is not a program of the church. Mission defines the people who are called Christians.

            In the past, some have said that the church is like a hospital for the spiritually ill. If that were true then the waiting room would be full. The church is not a hospital; the church is a sending station. We are all EMTs sent out to find the sick and the lost and to bring them the good news that will heal them and find them.

            We can no longer consider the church as an institution where outsiders must come in order to receive a product – the gospel. The missional church attempts to take Christ to the lost, each one of us being personally engaged in reaching our community. We are the sent ones:

·         The church is sent by Jesus Christ (Jn. 17:18; Mt 28:19-20).

·         The church is sent with the Cross (1 Cor. 1:18).

·         The church is sent in Community (Acts 2:42-47).

·         The church is sent to every culture (John 1:14; Acts 17:22-34)

·         The church is sent for the King and His Kingdom (Mt. 10:7; Luke 4:43).

These are the five distinctives that form the foundation of the missional perspective.

            This is the new song we must learn to sing.

Perhaps this song does not sound new to you. Maybe you see these things happening in our church already. I do too. In the last number of years I have seen the church leave these walls and engage the community around us. Now we have a name for it and let us pray that it continues. Let’s sing this song louder and with passion.

            What makes a song worthy of the Lord? Remember the three qualities of a good song from the introduction? Consider those qualities:

It has to have the Spirit of God – the Spirit of God is a sending Spirit. The Holy Spirit sends us, tells us to go. This song is not sung in the basements of cathedrals; it sings in the streets.

It catches the attention of the world – It is relevant without sacrificing the essence of the gospel; it captures people’s hearts with its genuineness, its sincerity. The love and singular purpose of the church in action is attractive.

Its message is bigger than the medium – We invite people not to join a club, but to receive Jesus into their lives. We invite them to join the community of those who follow Christ, a worldwide family comprising many churches and denominations.

            This is the song we sing. Will you accept the commission to go and be the gospel to your neighbor? Who is my neighbor? I hope you will accept the challenge to find out and be a blessing to someone today.[i]

                                                            AMEN

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[i] The content of this sermon has been adapted from the book by Gary V. Nelson, Borderland Churches: A Congregation’s Introduction to Missional Living. St. Louis, Missouri: Chalice Press, 2008.

Jesus and Marriage

WHAT DID JESUS SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE?

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me."

            When the Pharisees asked Jesus, “What do you think about divorce?” he responded to them by saying, “What do you think about marriage?” Divorce isn’t the issue; marriage is. As Matthew shows us, the Pharisees were not sincere in their asking; they came to Jesus to trap Him.

            Two prominent teachers of that time had two different views on divorce. And the Pharisees wanted to see which camp Jesus fell into and then discredit Him for His choice. Instead, Jesus goes to the real heart of the question on divorce: How do we view marriage?

            What Jesus says about marriage forms the basis of the Christian view of marriage. Jesus saw marriage as a man and a woman committed to one another in a covenant relationship that lasts a lifetime. Until we understand that, we can’t talk about divorce or any other issue regarding marriage. This morning we are going to affirm the Christian definition of marriage through six things Jesus said about it.

1. Marriage is instituted by God

The first reply Jesus gives to this tricky question posed by the Pharisees is that marriage is instituted by God. It is the gift of God to humankind. God designed it; God invented marriage, if you will. Marriage is not a social contract; marriage is not the brainchild of the government to generate revenue. It is not even the product of the church to legislate morality.

            Jesus faces down the Pharisees and says, “Don’t you read your Bibles?” And He appeals all the way the back to Genesis, back to Creation, back to God’s evaluation of the first man’s life. God had Adam name all the animals, and Adam must have noticed that they had mates. But among these animals he found no mate of his own kind. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). In all of Creation that God declared “good,” God said one thing was not good. And He helped Adam to recognize that profound loneliness. Then God created woman.

            Marriage is the gift of God to man and woman. Martin Luther married the runaway nun, Katherine von Bora (Katie), whom he called his “rib.” They viewed marriage as a school of character whereby God uses the hardships of daily family life to sanctify us. Previously, Luther had cloistered himself in a monastery to find God; instead, he found he learned more about life being married to Katie.

2. Marriage was meant to be complementary

Next, Jesus says that marriage is complementary (with an “e” not an “i”). To “complement” is not saying “You look nice. No, that doesn’t make you look fat.” To complement is to complete. Women and men are equal, but they’re different. Equality is good; difference is good too (“Vive la difference”). So being male and female accentuates the difference and emphasizes the value of NOT being the SAME. This is not simply a matter of likes and dislikes (commonalities), gifts and abilities – it is a biological and psychological difference that helps us to be better together.

            Thus Jesus says, “Haven’t you read… that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female…’” (4). Men on their own do not fully express the image of God. Women, on their own, do not fully express the image of God. This part is not just about marriage; the church needs men and women (married and single) to shine the gospel and God’s image. But since we are talking about marriage, God made marriage for a man and a woman. They complement each other better than two male best friends.

            Tim Keller said, “According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect his saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community, for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union.”

3. Marriage was intended to be permanent

When two people vow to be husband and wife before God, God gives His “Amen” to them. God “glues” them together.

            Jesus continued to school the Pharisees quoting Genesis, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (5). The “gluing” comes from that word “united.” Since God does the “gluing” using super glue, to separate what God has joined together is a sin. Now the truth of divorce is that it is a product of sin that has long preceded the break-up. Sin that goes unconfessed and never dealt with produces divorce.

            Remember how James put it? Temptation comes from our evil desires which drag us away – it gives birth to sin – and sin gives birth to death (Js. 1:13-15). That could describe divorce as well. And what does God say about divorce? “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel (Mal. 2:16).

            The Pharisees tried to twist Scripture to say something different. “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away”? (7). Jesus caught their perversion of the text and replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard” (8). Neither God nor Moses commanded divorce; Jesus points out that divorce was permitted because humankind is sinful. But that does not change God’s intention that marriage is to be permanent.

            Why does this matter? In Ephesians 5 we see the glorious parallel of marriage and Christ and His church. The sum of these verses is this: “Males were designed to shine the spotlight on Christ's relationship to the church (and the LORD God's relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, and that females were designed to shine the spotlight on the church's relationship to Christ (and Christ's relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. Who we are as male and female is ultimately not about us. It's about testifying to the story of Jesus. We do not get to dictate what manhood and womanhood are all about. Our Creator does.”[i]

            Permanence in marriage expresses the faithfulness of God. One of the most powerful Christian witnesses possible today is the eloquent example of a warm, forgiving, hospitable, united and happy Christian home. But the most ultimate meaning of marriage is that it represents the unbreakable covenant-love between Christ and His church (Eph 5:22-33).

4. Marriage is exclusive

In marriage, the man is united to his wife, the wife to her husband. There is no room for anyone else in the relationship. This is partly what is meant by the Genesis quote, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…” (5a).

            From day one of the marriage, this attitude must be held by both the bride and the groom. There is no room for flirtation with other parties, no room for regret, no second-thoughts. Jesus said that even the errant thought of other potential partners was adultery (Mt. 5:27-28).

            Josh Harris tells a story that illustrates the challenges of exclusivity by our dating culture. A young bride had a dream that her and her intended were before the minister about to say their vows. Suddenly, a girl stood up and went to stand beside her groom taking his hand. Then another girl stood up and took that girl’s hand. Then another and another until there were a chain of six girls standing with the groom. The bride asked, “Who are these girls?” To which the groom replied, “They’re girls from my past. But they don’t mean anything to me now…but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.”[ii]

            Marriage is exclusive. There is no room for three or six in the relationship. Marriage is for two – a man and a woman.

            It is tough to maintain exclusivity in marriage when there are competing thoughts and images for our hearts. Not only pornography, but ads, TV, cultural norms, and media force us to compare our spouses to pop icons. Shun these images and influences for the sake of God’s intention.

5. Marriage is nuclear

That does not mean “explosive” or destructive. A boy came home from Sunday school and His Mother said, "What did you discuss at Church?" The boy said, "Marriage"! His Mother said inquisitively, "What did you learn about marriage?" The little boy thought for a moment and said, "Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for them know not what they do!" Not that kind of nuclear.

            A “nuclear family” (coined in the 1940s) is a husband and wife and their dependent children. This is in contrast to a single parent family. Now, again, we are talking about God’s intention for marriage. I would hate to give the impression that one-parent families are outside the favor of God – that is not what Jesus is saying and neither am I. God’s intention was for a family to consist of a mom and a dad and children.

            We look again at this verse “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…” (5a). They are creating their own family. There is a transfer of allegiance from your own moms and dads when you get married to your spouse. You are creating a new generation, a new family unit. While mom and dad are full of wisdom and advice, you have to rely on each other to make your own decisions.

6. Marriage is not for everyone

Marriage is God’s gift. But gifts are not for everyone. Who can demand a gift? This is a hard teaching for those who would like to have this gift but have not, or will not, be given this gift.

            As Jesus explained the particulars of divorce and what it meant, the disciples grew concerned. “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry” (10). Jesus replies with a brief word on singleness through the reference to eunuchs. “For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” (11-12).

            People are single for different reasons. One thing that needs to be said is that just because you are single, and we have been talking about marriage and the male/female reflection of God, does not mean that you are incomplete as a person. Women and men have married the wrong people based on the wrong thinking that singleness is a curse.

            None of us is complete as individuals. Being married does not make us whole, or more whole, than singles. Both married and single people need to remember that our sufficiency – that is, our satisfaction and wholeness – is found in Christ alone (2 Cor 12:9).

            Francis Chan, in speaking to single Christians, said this: Take advantage of this time! We miss out when we focus too much on our next phase of life. When we’re single, we can’t wait till marriage, then we can’t wait to have kids, then we can’t wait till they talk, then we can’t wait till they’re in school, then we can’t wait till they’re out of adolescence, and so on. We can get in a habit of longing for the next step rather than enjoying today to the full. As a single person you have an opportunity to dive deeply into your most significant relationship without as many distractions. If you do get married and have kids, life will get so much busier, and you’ll look back and regret any wasting of your single years. There’s nothing wrong with telling the Lord that you desire to be married, but fight for contentment.

            Chan was told, “Those who are most ready for marriage are those who need it the least.”

           

Martin Luther was not a perfect man, nor was he a perfect husband. Luther, reflecting on the difficulties of marriage once said, “Good God, what a lot of trouble there is in marriage! Adam has made a mess of our nature. Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their nine hundred years. Eve would say, 'You ate the apple,' and Adam would retort, 'You gave it to me.'”

            Katie's patience ran dry as well. She snapped at Luther one time, “Doctor, why don't you stop talking and eat?” Luther snapped back, “I wish that women would repeat the Lord's Prayer before opening their mouths.”

            Martin knew his patience was hard to find at times. He once said, “All my life is patience. I have to have patience with the pope, the heretics, my family, and Katie.” But Martin “recognized that it was good for him.” Again, marriage and family was a school of character.

            Jesus affirmed marriage between a man and a woman when He called up scripture from 2000 years before His incarnation. He did not call on contemporary practice, but on God’s living and always applicable Word.

            Since marriage was God’s idea, and the Son of God affirms His Father’s plan, we need to recognize that our greatest need has nothing to do with marriage. We need a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Everyone, married, single, divorced, remarried. We need the Lord because we live in a sinful world where all of us have made bad choices. We need the Lord of grace.

            To the married or engaged or dating: Every couple needs to have a gospel conversation. We must ask: Are we both surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ? Have we decided to follow Him? Are we willing to sacrifice for Him and for our spouses so that we can truly be Kingdom people? Will you let your spouse serve the Lord?

            I praise God for giving me a wife that allows me to serve Jesus Christ first and who enhances my life.

                                                            AMEN

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[i] Mary Kassian on Complementarianism

[ii] Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Sisters, OR: Multnomah, 1997), 17-18.