THE BELIEVER’S
GRIEF
Recently
I heard about a conversation between a seminary professor and a former
colleague of mine. They were talking about funerals and how they were conducted
these days. I was intrigued by one comment and it has haunted me ever since.
One of the fellows said, “Christian funerals have become increasingly pagan.”
I am not entirely sure what was
meant by that comment but I can guess. It has something to do with the focus of
the funeral. In our attempts to find comfort in our grief we have focused
heavily on remembering the person who died. That is not entirely a bad thing,
keep in mind. What has gone missing is the focus on the resurrection.
A spate of books has been published
lately that tell the stories of those who have died and gone to heaven. Colton
Burpo, a four-year-old who saw heaven while having an appendectomy, came back
to tell of his experience. He declared, “Heaven is for real,” and told amazing
stories that cannot be explained.
Others have written about going to
heaven and meeting relatives or getting tours of paradise. These books are
bestsellers because people have an innate anxiety about what happens to people
when they die. We all want to know what life beyond the grave holds for us.
What we believe about such things
will affect the way we grieve over those we love when they die.
What do we believe about the
Christian man or woman who dies? And how do we then grieve? Or do we grieve?
To answer this question we are going
to look at two verses from the passage that was read (1 Thess. 4:13-14).
1.
How Christians grieve (v. 13)
Paul
had not been gone long. Only six months separated these new believers from the
man who taught them about Jesus.
Already, they faced a dilemma:
members of the Thessalonican church were dying, either of natural causes or
from persecution; we are not told. Paul, however, had instilled in them a
consciousness of the imminent return of Jesus Christ. They truly expected Jesus
to return any day. And if members of their church died before Jesus returned,
they wanted to know if they would miss the great reunion with Jesus. What
happens to the dead who die in the Lord?
a) We want to
know what happens
– Paul replied in a pastoral, rather than theological manner. He wanted to
alleviate confusion, grief, distress, and bring comfort rather than give an
eschatological lecture on the End Times. These people were agitated, upset,
confused, worried, fearful and just not informed.
This is why Paul says, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant
about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no
hope,” (4:13).
In my doctoral studies I researched
grief and found some interesting things about grieving. When a loved one dies
those we attend first is the parents or the spouse; the forgotten ones in grief
are often the children. These young ones will often make up stuff about the
death to make sense of it. They will fantasize about what caused the death,
imagine that what killed the person will kill them, and generally grieve in error.
The Christians at Thessalonica were
baby Christians and were prone to make stuff up. Paul did not want them to be
uninformed about the death of Christians, to imagine heaven and fantasize about
blueberry pies and perogies, as if heaven were just like earth.
No, you want to know what happens,
and we want you to know too.
b) What it means
to fall asleep
– So Paul uses a term that speaks volumes to Christian death: sleep.
Speaking of death as sleep
originates with Jesus. It seems that wherever Jesus went, whenever he faced a
death situation, he casually called it sleep. A twelve-year-old girl, Jairus’
daughter, is pronounced dead before Jesus gets to her. Jesus replies, “She’s
only sleeping,” (Mk 5:39).
This is how the One who would be
resurrected himself approached death. Even before he would be raised to life,
he embodied the power of life and resurrection. Death could not hold its
victims when Jesus came around. Jesus makes it difficult to find in him an
example of how to grieve – he kept raising the dead.
One of his close friends died,
though, and he was forced to face the grief of this loss. When Jesus is told of
this death, he said to his disciples, “Our
friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.”
Then John explains that Jesus had been speaking of his death while his
disciples thought he meant natural sleep. So Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead…” (Jn 11:11-14). Sleep
is how Jesus saw death.
The Church of Acts picked up on this
and adopted the Lord’s view. When Stephen was being stoned by the Jews, we
read, “Then he fell on his knees and
cried out, ‘Lord, do not hold this against them.’ When he had said this, he
fell asleep,” (Acts 7:60).
Why does Jesus say ‘sleep’? Why not
just ‘dead’? Sleep is the unique way to speak of the Christians’ temporary
death. Before Christ came they called the place of the dead a graveyard; after
the resurrection of Jesus Christians called it a cemetery. The word cemetery
comes from the Greek word for sleep. Graveyards became sleeping places, a
synonym for dormitory – a place where people sleep.
c) Do Christians
grieve?
– If death is temporary and Jesus is coming back then why would Christians
bother to grieve their loved ones? Questions like this arise among well-meaning
believers. They even call funerals “a celebration of the life of …” and stifle
their tears because this is not the end.
Some will ask, “Isn’t grieving an
act of unbelief since Christ has been raised?” or “Aren’t we doubting God if in
our grief we ask questions?” Basically, is it wrong for believers to grieve?
Note what Paul says about grief: he
doesn’t say it’s wrong to grieve. He just doesn’t want the believers to grieve
like the rest of humankind.
Those who are lost in sin will
grieve differently than a believer. They will cling to memories because that is
all they have. They will despair at a life lost, a potential wasted, and what
could have been.
Paul described what it means to be
lost, “…remember that at that time you
were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners
to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world,”
(Eph 2:12). It is no wonder that they grieve without hope.
But grieving for the believer is still
permissible – no, it is expected.
Earl Grollman said, “Grief is not a
disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical,
spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to
grieve.”
Doug Manning spoke to this truth on
grieving when he said, “You give yourself permission to grieve by recognizing
the need for grieving. Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss
of a love. Grieving is not a weakness nor absence of faith. Grieving is as
natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing
when your nose itches. It is nature’s way of healing a broken heart.”
My daughter shared with a verse from a
Toby Mac song: “You are not crying that they are in heaven; you’re crying
because you miss them.”
Yes Christians grieve, but we grieve
differently than the rest of humankind. Our grief will look the same in our
sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, etc. But we grieve the separation with the
hope of reunion. And as we ask questions of our God in our pain, we find that
the questions actually bring us closer to God. Without questions we would never
search for God.
And let’s not forget that Jesus wept; he
grieved Lazarus’ death, even though he had the power to raise him from the
dead.
2.
Why Christians grieve the way they do (v. 14)
a) It all goes
back to Jesus
– When a Christian dies, our grief may be deep but it is carried by the
strength of our hope. What is the source of our hope? It is our belief in
Jesus.
Paul shares two things we believe.
The first is this: “We believe that Jesus
died and rose again,” (4:14a). Note the firmness of that declaration: We
believe…This is a fundamental truth of our faith. We believe that Jesus died
and rose again.
The Early Church developed a creed
that began with this belief, “For what I
received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our
sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the
third day according to the Scriptures…” (1 Cor 15:3-4).
What is the difference between the
believer and Jesus in the passage to the Thessalonians? Can you see it? Jesus
died and the believer sleeps. Jesus conquered death, dying in our place, that
we might live in him. Jesus died; we fall asleep. Death is changed to sleep
because it has been transformed by the work of Christ.
Jesus died for our sins; he paid the
debt. The wages of sin is death. If the wages are paid, then we no longer face
death, only temporary sleep. The sting of death is sin. But the bee stung Jesus
and lost its stinger so it cannot sting again.
“Where,
O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is
sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the
victory through the Lord Jesus Christ,” (1 Cor 15:55-57).
Our hope goes all the way back to
Jesus who died and was buried and raised from the dead.
b) God will
bring us back
– Paul’s second point of belief is this: “…and
so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in
him,” (4:14b).
Here is the assurance the
Thessalonians were looking for in their original question. What happens to the
believer who dies before the Lord returns? Will they miss the great reunion?
And this is a great promise for us as well, even though we have a different
question. Paul says that those who die will be brought back. They won’t miss
anything. Even the people who die won’t miss anything. Based on the death of
Christ and its perfect work, based on the resurrection of Christ and the
Father’s will, God is going to bring with him those who have fallen asleep in
Jesus.
Questions abound about what it means
that God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. The body is buried
in the cemetery, so where is the spirit of our loved one? When God brings us
back with Jesus we may ask, “Back from where?”
Not much further on, Paul gives this
promise, “And so we will be with the Lord
forever,” (4:17b). Wherever the spirit has gone, and wherever the body
reunited with the spirit will spend eternity is not mentioned. That’s not
important. What is important is that wherever we go when we die and wherever we
go when we are resurrected, we will be with the Lord Jesus. That is what we
will rejoice in above all else.
You have the freedom to fantasize
about heaven all you want, who you will meet, what you will eat, and where you
will live. My great hope is singular: being with Jesus. Nothing else matters.
In 1871 Fr. J. Boudreau wrote a
short story entitled "The Happiness of Heaven." It's a story about a
kindhearted king who is hunting in the forest when he discovers a blind, poor
orphan boy living there. The king takes the blind orphan to his palace and
adopts him as his own son. The king gives to his blind son the finest education
and training money can buy. The blind son loves his father dearly and is
grateful for everything he has done for him.
When the son turns twenty, a surgeon
performs an experimental surgery on his eyes, and for the first time in his
life he is able to see. This royal prince, who was once a starving orphan,
realizes how he has been blessed with fine food, fragrant gardens, and lovely
music. But when he gains his sight, he doesn't care to look at the wealth of
his kingdom or the wonders of the palace. Instead he only wants to gaze upon
the face of his father--the king who saved him, adopted him, and loved him.[i]
That will be heaven in itself. To
look upon the One who took these pitiful, blind, wretched orphans and adopted
us into his royal family. We won’t be looking for long-lost relatives. “The throne of God and of the Lamb will be
in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his
name will be on their foreheads,” (Rev 22:3-4).
That, dear friends, is why we grieve
with hope.
What
happens to the believer when he/she dies?
He/she
sleeps, his/her spirit safe with the Lord Jesus.
We
need to know this; we need to know what happens to the believer when he/she
dies so that we can grieve properly, as Christians, with hearts full of hope.
AMEN
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