WHAT DID JESUS SAY
ABOUT MARRIAGE?
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and
asked, "What are the grounds for
your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me."
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don’t want a divorce," she replied. "I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me."
When the
Pharisees asked Jesus, “What do you think about divorce?” he responded to them
by saying, “What do you think about marriage?” Divorce isn’t the issue;
marriage is. As Matthew shows us, the Pharisees were not sincere in their
asking; they came to Jesus to trap Him.
Two
prominent teachers of that time had two different views on divorce. And the
Pharisees wanted to see which camp Jesus fell into and then discredit Him for
His choice. Instead, Jesus goes to the real heart of the question on divorce:
How do we view marriage?
What
Jesus says about marriage forms the basis of the Christian view of marriage.
Jesus saw marriage as a man and a woman committed to one another in a covenant
relationship that lasts a lifetime. Until we understand that, we can’t talk
about divorce or any other issue regarding marriage. This morning we are going
to affirm the Christian definition of marriage through six things Jesus said
about it.
1. Marriage is instituted by God
The first reply Jesus gives to this tricky question posed
by the Pharisees is that marriage is instituted by God. It is the gift of God
to humankind. God designed it; God invented marriage, if you will. Marriage is
not a social contract; marriage is not the brainchild of the government to
generate revenue. It is not even the product of the church to legislate
morality.
Jesus
faces down the Pharisees and says, “Don’t you read your Bibles?” And He appeals
all the way the back to Genesis, back to Creation, back to God’s evaluation of
the first man’s life. God had Adam name all the animals, and Adam must have
noticed that they had mates. But among these animals he found no mate of his
own kind. God said, “It is not good
for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen.
2:18). In all of Creation that God declared “good,” God said one thing was not
good. And He helped Adam to recognize that profound loneliness. Then God
created woman.
Marriage
is the gift of God to man and woman. Martin Luther married the runaway nun,
Katherine von Bora (Katie), whom he called his “rib.” They viewed marriage as a
school of character whereby God uses the hardships of daily family life to
sanctify us. Previously, Luther had cloistered himself in a monastery to find
God; instead, he found he learned more about life being married to Katie.
2. Marriage was meant to be complementary
Next, Jesus says that marriage is complementary (with an
“e” not an “i”). To “complement” is not saying “You look nice. No, that doesn’t
make you look fat.” To complement is to complete. Women and men are equal, but
they’re different. Equality is good; difference is good too (“Vive la
difference”). So being male and female accentuates the difference and
emphasizes the value of NOT being the SAME. This is not simply a matter of
likes and dislikes (commonalities), gifts and abilities – it is a biological and
psychological difference that helps us to be better together.
Thus
Jesus says, “Haven’t you read… that at
the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female…’” (4). Men on their
own do not fully express the image of God. Women, on their own, do not fully
express the image of God. This part is not just about marriage; the church
needs men and women (married and single) to shine the gospel and God’s image.
But since we are talking about marriage, God made marriage for a man and a
woman. They complement each other better than two male best friends.
Tim
Keller said, “According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect his
saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human
community, for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by
bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union.”
3. Marriage was intended to be permanent
When two people vow to be husband and wife before God,
God gives His “Amen” to them. God “glues” them together.
Jesus
continued to school the Pharisees quoting Genesis, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh” (5). The
“gluing” comes from that word “united.” Since God does the “gluing” using super
glue, to separate what God has joined together is a sin. Now the truth of
divorce is that it is a product of sin that has long preceded the break-up. Sin
that goes unconfessed and never dealt with produces divorce.
Remember
how James put it? Temptation comes from our evil desires which drag us away –
it gives birth to sin – and sin gives birth to death (Js. 1:13-15). That could
describe divorce as well. And what does God say about divorce? “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of
Israel (Mal. 2:16).
The
Pharisees tried to twist Scripture to say something different. “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send
her away”? (7). Jesus caught their perversion of the text and replied, “Moses permitted
you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard” (8). Neither God
nor Moses commanded divorce; Jesus points out that divorce was permitted
because humankind is sinful. But that does not change God’s intention that
marriage is to be permanent.
Why does
this matter? In Ephesians 5 we see the glorious parallel of marriage and Christ
and His church. The sum of these verses is this: “Males were designed to shine
the spotlight on Christ's relationship to the church (and the LORD God's
relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, and that females were
designed to shine the spotlight on the church's relationship to Christ (and
Christ's relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. Who we are
as male and female is ultimately not about us. It's about testifying to the
story of Jesus. We do not get to dictate what manhood and womanhood are all
about. Our Creator does.”[i]
Permanence
in marriage expresses the faithfulness of God. One of the most powerful
Christian witnesses possible today is the eloquent example of a warm,
forgiving, hospitable, united and happy Christian home. But the most ultimate
meaning of marriage is that it represents the unbreakable covenant-love between
Christ and His church (Eph 5:22-33).
4. Marriage is exclusive
In marriage, the man is united to his wife, the wife to
her husband. There is no room for anyone else in the relationship. This is
partly what is meant by the Genesis quote, “For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…” (5a).
From day
one of the marriage, this attitude must be held by both the bride and the
groom. There is no room for flirtation with other parties, no room for regret,
no second-thoughts. Jesus said that even the errant thought of other potential
partners was adultery (Mt. 5:27-28).
Josh
Harris tells a story that illustrates the challenges of exclusivity by our
dating culture. A young bride had a dream that her and her intended were before
the minister about to say their vows. Suddenly, a girl stood up and went to
stand beside her groom taking his hand. Then another girl stood up and took
that girl’s hand. Then another and another until there were a chain of six
girls standing with the groom. The bride asked, “Who are these girls?” To which
the groom replied, “They’re girls from my past. But they don’t mean anything to
me now…but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.”[ii]
Marriage
is exclusive. There is no room for three or six in the relationship. Marriage
is for two – a man and a woman.
It is
tough to maintain exclusivity in marriage when there are competing thoughts and
images for our hearts. Not only pornography, but ads, TV, cultural norms, and
media force us to compare our spouses to pop icons. Shun these images and
influences for the sake of God’s intention.
5. Marriage is nuclear
That does not mean “explosive” or destructive. A boy came
home from Sunday school and His Mother said, "What did you discuss at
Church?" The boy said, "Marriage"! His Mother said
inquisitively, "What did you learn about marriage?" The little boy
thought for a moment and said, "Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for
them know not what they do!" Not that kind of nuclear.
A
“nuclear family” (coined in the 1940s) is a husband and wife and their
dependent children. This is in contrast to a single parent family. Now, again,
we are talking about God’s intention for marriage. I would hate to give the
impression that one-parent families are outside the favor of God – that is not
what Jesus is saying and neither am I. God’s intention was for a family to
consist of a mom and a dad and children.
We look
again at this verse “For this reason a
man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife…” (5a). They are creating their own family. There
is a transfer of allegiance from your own moms and dads when you get married to
your spouse. You are creating a new generation, a new family unit. While mom
and dad are full of wisdom and advice, you have to rely on each other to make
your own decisions.
6. Marriage is not for everyone
Marriage is God’s gift. But gifts are not for everyone.
Who can demand a gift? This is a hard teaching for those who would like to have
this gift but have not, or will not, be given this gift.
As Jesus
explained the particulars of divorce and what it meant, the disciples grew
concerned. “If this is the situation
between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry” (10). Jesus replies
with a brief word on singleness through the reference to eunuchs. “For some are eunuchs because they were born
that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage
because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it”
(11-12).
People
are single for different reasons. One thing that needs to be said is that just
because you are single, and we have been talking about marriage and the
male/female reflection of God, does not mean that you are incomplete as a
person. Women and men have married the wrong people based on the wrong thinking
that singleness is a curse.
None of
us is complete as individuals. Being married does not make us whole, or more
whole, than singles. Both married and single people need to remember that our
sufficiency – that is, our satisfaction and wholeness – is found in Christ
alone (2 Cor 12:9).
Francis
Chan, in speaking to single Christians, said this: Take advantage of this time!
We miss out when we focus too much on our next phase of life. When we’re
single, we can’t wait till marriage, then we can’t wait to have kids, then we
can’t wait till they talk, then we can’t wait till they’re in school, then we
can’t wait till they’re out of adolescence, and so on. We can get in a habit of
longing for the next step rather than enjoying today to the full. As a single
person you have an opportunity to dive deeply into your most significant
relationship without as many distractions. If you do get married and have kids,
life will get so much busier, and you’ll look back and regret any wasting of
your single years. There’s nothing wrong with telling the Lord that you desire
to be married, but fight for contentment.
Chan was
told, “Those who are most ready for marriage are those who need it the least.”
Martin Luther was not a perfect man, nor was he a perfect
husband. Luther, reflecting on the difficulties of marriage once said, “Good
God, what a lot of trouble there is in marriage! Adam has made a mess of our
nature. Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of
their nine hundred years. Eve would say, 'You ate the apple,' and Adam would
retort, 'You gave it to me.'”
Katie's
patience ran dry as well. She snapped at Luther one time, “Doctor, why don't
you stop talking and eat?” Luther snapped back, “I wish that women would repeat
the Lord's Prayer before opening their mouths.”
Martin
knew his patience was hard to find at times. He once said, “All my life is
patience. I have to have patience with the pope, the heretics, my family, and
Katie.” But Martin “recognized that it was good for him.” Again, marriage and
family was a school of character.
Jesus
affirmed marriage between a man and a woman when He called up scripture from
2000 years before His incarnation. He did not call on contemporary practice,
but on God’s living and always applicable Word.
Since
marriage was God’s idea, and the Son of God affirms His Father’s plan, we need
to recognize that our greatest need has nothing to do with marriage. We need a
personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Everyone, married, single, divorced,
remarried. We need the Lord because we live in a sinful world where all of us
have made bad choices. We need the Lord of grace.
To the
married or engaged or dating: Every couple needs to have a gospel conversation.
We must ask: Are we both surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ? Have we
decided to follow Him? Are we willing to sacrifice for Him and for our spouses
so that we can truly be Kingdom people? Will you let your spouse serve the
Lord?
I praise
God for giving me a wife that allows me to serve Jesus Christ first and who
enhances my life.
AMEN
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